Sunday, July 1, 2012

Late Night Musings

I have used this blog as a place to rant, vent, and just write about what was randomly on my mind. I am mostly using it as a way to cope with my dad's melanoma diagnosis, so I can write out my thoughts and feelings in a place where my friends or whoever wants to come and read them.

When I first started writing here, I didn't even contemplate writing for an audience. Sure I send the link to friends, but I never thought my words could reach people. I never once thought that somebody out there in the world was going through the same thing I was, and that they can relate to me. Boy was I wrong! I have had a few people write to me and tell me that their loved ones are dying from cancer, and that they know exactly what I'm going through and that they can totally relate to my experiences.

After I found out my words were reaching people, I thought long and hard about changing what I wrote, and making it solely cancer-specific. But that's not fair to my other friends who read it. Reading about one specific topic in somebody's life can be exhausting, so I am still going to use this as an outlet to share other parts of my life, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I would love it if everybody who reads my blog to please leave a comment! It doesn't have to say much, I am just interested in who reads them..yes, this means you too, RJ! If my blog has impacted you in any way, or if you can relate, please let me know! It's always a good feeling to know somebody else out there feels the same way I do at times. It is less isolating.

My dad has 4th and final round of chemo on July 16th! He has been kicking cancer's ass and taking names! I am so damn proud of him. My dad has always been somebody I look up to in my life. He's in MENSA, he is very loving, caring, compassionate, understanding, and open-minded. He is hilarious, witty, smart, and giving. Not once has he ever been selfish or mean. Always fair and loving. Truly the best dad anybody could ever ask for. I've never told him these things, though.

As a little girl I would often ask my dad to marry me. Not in a serious way, but in a way only 5 year olds can mean. He always told me yes, then he would tell me I would meet a man someday that would treat me as good as he does, and who would love me even more. I never knew just how right he was until RJ came around. My dad (due to circumstances that were uncontrollable until recently) finally met RJ a couple months ago, and he loved him. My dad refers to him as a son-in-law (shh RJ hasn't heard that yet hehe) and tells me he is very fond of RJ. He says I chose a good man. It breaks my heart knowing my dad will not be there to walk me down the aisle when RJ and I get married.  He won't be around to dance with me, or meet grand children.

I am so proud of how well my dad has been handling his melanoma diagnosis. Not once has he shown an ounce of fear or sadness towards us or his family. He makes jokes and is very honest with everything. He truly is the bravest man I have ever known. It's going to be so hard without him in my life, but I know if he can be so strong and brave during his battle with melanoma, I can be strong while dealing with my grief. I will carry the best of my dad with me in my heart and memory, and while he's still with us I am going to make even more memories with him.

1 comment:

  1. Melissa you rock! You have so much heart. It really touched me that your Dad told you that you would meet someone that would treat you as good as he did, and you found your boyfriend. It's so awesome that he approves of your boyfriend like that. My Dad never really talked to me about relationships, although he showed me through his actions what an ideal strong and caring man is.

    It sucks to think about him not being there for all your life events. I think about that all the time about my Dad and I feel lost. But you're right, I have to focus on being strong and brave even at the last stages of his battle!

    Thank you