Friday, October 26, 2012

Saying Goodbye

I lost a friend the evening of October 24th from Cystic Fibrosis. She was only 28 years old. Her life was amazing, and she was a true angel here on earth. I met her through my boyfriend; she was the lead singer of his band, Staller. She had an amazing voice to go with her amazing soul. She was love and light wrapped up in happiness. Like friends, she and I had our ups and downs, but at the end we had some very in-depth, spiritual discussions and she forgave me for things I did and I forgave her. She died 2 days after that spiritual discussion. Because nobody was present to that conversation, and because he didn't wish to hear my side of things, her husband essentially "banned" me from attending her funeral this afternoon. I cried for hours last night when my boyfriend informed me of that. I wanted nothing more than to pay my respects to a woman who has not only helped me during times of strife and hardships, but she helped my dad as well until he died. I had no intention of starting drama (which is what was assumed would happen if I went), I Just wanted to hold my boyfriend's hand, console him, and say goodbye to my friend, Crystal. I was not allowed this.

I wanted to say goodbye. I wanted to see her placed and laid to rest at the cemetery. That's not asking for much. I don't understand how people can be so cruel and thoughtless and careless. Can't people set aside their problems for an hour to let others grieve and say goodbye? It's not about him-it's about HER. Saying goodbye to Crystal. One of the greatest women I've ever known.

My soul is crushed by not being able to have seen her off, but I know she is around in spirit and I can always talk to her spiritually. She and I know that I did nothing wrong. I just wish other people would have been told the truth long before she had passed, and maybe I would have had an opportunity to say goodbye to my beautiful friend.

RIP Crystal. You are going to be truly, truly missed.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


I am SO excited to announce that as of today I am officially enrolled in school! I start my Medical Assistant classes on Monday! It's a 9 month course and my graduation date is July 3, 2013! I will be training to for a Certified Medical Assistant career, which means I will take vital signs, do charting, medical receptioning, handling insurance claims, giving shots, assisting with procedures, drawing blood, and lots more! I have been a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) for 4 years now and Medical Assisting pays more, and is a bit more relaxed and less physically demanding on my body than CNA work, so I know I will be able to do this job. It's a great career and if I decide to further my health care education and do nursing, it's an excellent stepping stone!
With this job I can work in medical weight loss centers, medical spas, doctor's offices, clinics, hospitals, Planned Parenthood, birthing centers, dentist offices, surgery centers, and so much more! I will be taking the Oregon licensing exam and then I will be taking the national licensing exam as well, so I can work as a CMA anywhere!
This is a HUGE step for me and I know my dad would be proud :) I can't believe I start school on Monday!! The Medical Assisting program has the best schedule, too! It's Monday-Thursday, 7:30a-1:30p! We have 3 day weekends and 6 hour days, including a lunch break. My tuition also includes a stethoscope and blood pressure cuff and lab jacket, including textbooks, that I get to keep!
Obviously I am excited. I can't wait to start and tell you all more about it!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Remicade Reaction & Realizations

After spending the majority of my afternoon in the ER due to complications from my Remicade infusions, I have made a few decisions regarding my health care and how to go about things from here on out. A lot of patients who get Remicade infusions develop reactions to the drug, either from the body building up immunities to it, or the body rejecting it therefore it doesn't work, or from a basic allergy. It's not ALL patients, but a lot, and some reactions are immediate, and some can take years to develop. I just received my 4th infusion on Wednesday and am having these problems and it's SO frustrating. There is a very real chance that I will be told on the 22nd at my appt that I will have to stop the infusions. I have no options after this...I've been on Humira, Methotrexate, 6mp, Cimzia, Prednisone, antibiotics, Entocort, Asacol, Questran, Librax, pain meds, anti-heartburn meds, Lomotil, a bowel resection that took almost 16 inches of my large and
 small intestines, and finally Remicade. 

Remicade was my last resort-the only medication I literally hadn't tried. It was supposed to be my miracle drug. And now that this is giving me adverse effects, I may have to stop it. I've decided that if I have to stop the Remicade, I will stop all of my Crohn's meds that I am currently taking. I'm going to quit cold turkey, detox my body, and see what happens. Last time I did this 5 years ago I went into remission for 2 years almost, maybe 3. I forgot I even had the damn disease. So that's my decision. I'll be out of options regardless so I may as well start over with a fresh slate. I'm choosing to share this with the "chosen few" of you who can read this for a number of reasons. I value your opinions and support, I love the advice you give, and I know some of you have been in and are currently in my shoes and can help me get through this frustration. Anyway, that's all I have to rant about lol. I am SO frustrated with it all. I Just want my life back.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Wonderful Coast Trip

I had such an amazing time in Seaside, Oregon with my best friend, Danielle! Here are a couple of pics :D

We took tons of pics but those will be posted at a later date :) SO MUCH FUN!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Don't Look Away

loveisrespect “Text for Help” service is the nation’s first such program designed to help young people develop healthy dating relationships... and Mary Kay® is the lead sponsor! The resource is safe & anonymous so if you know someone who needs help, send the text “loveis” to 77054. 

Please read the link below! It has some incredible information and if any of you are in an unhealthy/abusive/unsafe relationship this is a great starting resource to get you help! You are NOT alone. Please get help. If you need anybody to talk to confidentially, you can always come to me as well. I promise to help you and keep it between us. You can be safe, and you deserve REAL love. Please don't hesitate to use the resources in the link below (or you can text the number above to receive anonymous help), or you can email me anytime at: and I can help you find help and peer-to-peer counsel you if you need it, confidentially. You all deserve REAL love, not love that hurts. You also deserve to be safe. Let me help you.