I don't really have much to update on. I have had a very busy week, and the last 2 days I have been pretty much drinking non-stop. Not joking. My best friend's birthday party was yesterday and today my family and I went out for lunch and drinks at the brewery with my dad and uncle. When we got there my dad was barely recognizeable. His face is very gaunt and pale, he's lost weight, his eyes look terrible, he only ate a small portion of half of his reuben sandwich. He couldn't hold a coversation and was in extreme pain. The end of his battle is coming and it's very near.
I am taking time to feel my emotions and to deal with them privately. I am extremely hyper-emotional right now which is why I haven't posted anything recently.
I keep watching the same episode of how i met your mother (SPOILER ALERT WARNING...SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW)--the one where Marshall's dad dies and they are at the funeral. It's so real and honest. It makes me feel less alone in this process.
My mom hired a photographer to take family photos of us with him this week. I'm looking forward to it. He is also having a mask made for his new brain radiation again, as well as 3 appointments at ohsu next week. My uncle is flying out tomorrow and he's been a huge help to my dad.
I'm just really not in a good place mentally, emotionally, or physically. The remicade infusions are helping but the stress is causing more pain than necessary.I'm just in a very dark place right now and I need to sort through all of my thoughts and emotions before I can start posting more.I don't want to be the debbie downer in every post I write lol.