Thursday, July 12, 2012

I am so angry.

I just wanted let everybody know that my dad is home now and resting. He got discharged earlier in the afternoon and he's very happy to be home! He is having his last dose of radiation on his leg tomorrow morning, and then on Monday he has an appointment with his oncologist. He's also supposed to get his last dose of chemo (Yervoy) on Monday, but since it so obviously isn't working we don't know what the dr will want to do. He is literally out of options--Yervoy was the only chemo he was eligible for due to having stage 4 (with brain mets) and having the BRAS mutation. He isn't even eligible for any clinical trials, ever. This was supposed to be his miracle drug..and now that it's not working, he just gets to die. 
He is on 3 different seizure meds and we are hoping he won't have anymore. His prognosis is still not good even though they caught this brain tumor. He's having some major short-term memory problems that may be associated with the seizure, or it may be associated with the melanoma. Nobody knows. He has been calling me 'Alissa', not Melissa. He can pronounce the letter 'm' with no trouble so we have no idea why he is calling me by that. He's been VERY grumpy and mean today but the RN told us his steroid that he's taking for 4 more days causes roid rage, which is what is happening. I got him home and helped set up his medications so he'd know when to take them and how often. He's not very happy that he has to take so many new drugs, but I explained that they should prevent more seizures, so he seemed okay about it after.
I talked to his wonderful next door neighbors and they gave me their cell numbers so in case I can't be out there visiting, they can check on him if we feel he needs a wellness check.
Overall I am just exhausted in every way possible. I"m extremely angry over the whole mess right now. Why my dad? Why can't he go into remission? Why didn't his fucking primary care doctor find that fucking leg tumor almost 2 years ago? My dad is a good man. The literally best man I've ever known. There are so many other people who deserve to die more than my dad-rapists, murderers, pedophiles, etc. Why my dad? Why do those awful people get to live long and full lives, and my dad has to die before he turns 58? Where is the fairness in that? He did EVERYTHING right to protect himself from the sun and yet he still fucking got melanoma. It's just not fair. Why can't he catch a break? I just don't get it. At all. It deeply deeply angers me and saddens me.

                                      On another note, here is a pic my mom took of us on Tuesday!

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