I've been letting my mind wander tonight, and generally that can be a good thing, but tonight it most definitely is NOT a good thing. There's so much my father is going to miss out on. I'm 25 but I still need him in my life, ya know? Most people don't lose their parents until they are 40+. I still need my dad for advice, love, help with my math, funny stories, and on occasion money, as dumb as that sounds.
Here is a list of the things I am most sad my father will miss out on after he passes:
1. RJ propsing to me. I mean, obviously I can't predict when RJ will do this, but I have a pretty good feeling it's not going to be anytime soon since we are still strapped for cash and everything. I want to be able to call my dad up and tell him the whole story, and I want RJ to be able to meet with him beforehand and ask his permission to marry me. I'm traditional like that. It would feel weird if my dad never had a chance to shake RJ's hand and welcome him to the family.
2. My wedding. I need my dad there to walk me down the aisle, to give me away, to dance with me at the reception and to make a toast. It's going to be so hard not having him there in person. Obviously he will be there in spirit, but it isn't the same thing as having him there in person.
3. The day I find out I'm pregnant, and the day I give birth. I want him to meet his grand babies and buy them Christmas gifts and spoil them rotten. My kids will know all about Grandpa Scott, but it breaks my heart knowing they'll never get to hold his hand, go to the beach with him, or go Walking In The Woods...a Stewart tradition.
I know he will be there for me in spirit and in my heart, always, and through everything both good and bad. It's just not as good as the real thing, ya know? Anyways, I'll stop being mopey tonight haha. Have a good night, everybody! I just needed to get emotional for a moment!