One of those days....

I found out today that one of my dear friends has a malignant tumor in his colon. He's 30 years old. On October 18th he will be having surgery to remove the tumor...he really has nobody to help take care of him. His former roommate/long-time best friend is too self-absorbed and refuses to help him post-op, and his sister is going to do what she can but that's not much. I told him that I will help him before, during, and after his recovery if he needs it. I just don't know what to think. I feel so awful. 2012 is not the year for good health for my friends. I can only  hope and pray that his surgery will be successful, and he can find a treatment regimen for his cancer that will put him into remission. My heart aches tonight for him, and for all of us who are affected by cancer in all its terrible forms.

hey, dad

hey, dad. it’s been 2 months (as of 11:45p on the 27th since it is technically the 28th now) since you’ve passed away. i think about you every day! i love you! i wish i could have told you all about the train concert last night-so much fun! they put on a KILLER show! but i know you were there with us :) during ‘calling all angels’ i felt your love and presence. i miss you so much. i hope you are hustlin’ some angels and “peeps” (as you’d say) up there at pool and chess! love you! goodnight :)

Health update on me.

I found out today that I have Esophageal Crohn's Disease, as well as IBS and, of course, good ol' fashioned Crohn's. I mean...seriously. I know it affects every part of the digestive system from the mouth to the anus, but seriously, can't it leave my mouth and throat alone?! I've always wondered why I have had problems now and then swallowing food. Sometimes I swallow food (soft foods, even liquids) and it HURTS. It feels like a giant rock is lodged in my throat and the pain hits deep in my chest and behind my breastbone, in my back. Sometimes I throw up food IMMEDIATELY after swallowing it.  Now I know why-because of Crohn's Dysphagia (sp?)...ugh. I guess it's pretty rare and people can even develop fistulas and strictures in the esophagus. It's so scary to think about! I am just so beyond stressed. When do I get to catch a freaking break?! I need a vacation.

Just a few pics!

My Aunt Paula's 60th birthday party was tonight and it was SO much fun getting a chance to meet up with family I haven't seen in years, and some I just saw at my dad's celebration of life! Here are just a few pics from the night!

This is my cousin Annie and I just kicking it outside with our drinks!

 This is some of my family! Annie, me (in the green in the back), my mom, my Aunt Paula, Chrissy (Annie's identical twin) and my older sister Teena.

 I am just chatting with my Uncle Elby whom I haven't seen in well over 15 years.

 And this is just me :)

What an amazing 30+ hours it has been :)

I spent Wednesday at the Oregon coast with RJ and we had an incredible time. It was just what I needed :) Today around noon he and I climbed part of a sand dune, slipped under a fence where people weren't allowed to go, climbed down into some tide pools and released some of my dad's ashes into a beautiful cave. Nobody would even know it was there if they played it safe and stayed behind the fence, but I knew it would be great. It was very hard letting even just that small amount go, but with RJ by my side and the cool breeze on my skin, I released him into the ocean. It was perfect. Well worth the sore muscles I am going to have tomorrow :) Here is a photo of the cave where we went. This photo does not do it justice. I love you, dad. I hope the waves take you on many more adventures in your afterlife :)

And as a bonus, here is a great photo of RJ and I on the beach :) We spent the night and now we are home, and although I am sad to leave the beautiful coast, I am happy to be moving forward with my life and grief. Letting that small bit of dad go really has helped me emotionally. It has been amazing 30+ hours :)

I donated in my father's honor

Every donation counts!! I donated to Stand Up To Cancer in my father's honor. I also had a star launched in his honor :)

If you want write a little something or donate your own money to the foundation, here is the link to do so. It is such an amazing company.

http://constellation.standup2cancer.org/46009

What my memorial tattoo means!

I have been getting a lot of emails and texts from people telling me how awesome my memorial tattoo is, and the question everybody seems to ask is, "Why did you choose the Alien from the Alien movies (starring Sigourney Weaver)?" There are two stories that gave me the idea for the tattoo. After my dad graduated from college, he decided to treat his mom (my grandma lol) to a movie! And what movie did he choose to take grandma to? Alien. He said it scared her so bad she vowed never to go to another movie with him ever again. Flash forward many years and Kim and I were around 5-6 years old. Dad decided to educate us on different genres of film, so he had us watch the Alien films, then Predator, The Terminator and Robocop. Ever since those movies remained dear in my heart, but Alien was the one that has stuck with me the most. He LOVED that movie. I had an image in my head of the tattoo, and it turned out bigger and better than I ever imagined. It is easily my favorite tattoo and a great tribute to a great man :)