Glasses and other updates.

Hello, all! I hope June is treating all of you well! I am going to be finishing my last term of school (to become a medical assistant) in August and then I am going to start nursing school! I am very, very excited to continue on my path towards becoming a nurse! I'll be an LPN in one year and then I will go to WOU for my BSN and that should take around two years. SO EXCITING!!

Other than that, not much is super new. We have three new kittens! They're seven weeks old today and we found them when they were only four hours old; their mother abandoned them, so we have been bottle feeding them and we are keeping them! Their names are Chunk, Ripley, and Smalls. They're so freaking adorable. I'll have to post pics when I get some that are current!

I hope this summer is treating everybody well and you all are in good health. I think about my friends often and how far I have come since this time last year. It's been almost a year since my dad has died and though it hasn't been easy, I believe I have learned a lot and have grown a lot from that tragedy.

I'll leave you all with a pic I took yesterday. Yep, I have glasses now. Have a fantastic June and I hope to update you all sooner rather than later :)

AIM for a cure Melanoma 5k

Today was the day I walked in honor of my amazing father, Scott Stewart. I was given the opportunity to say a little something about my dad and his fight with melanoma. Here are a few photos from the amazing event, as well as the speech I gave. It was a beautiful day and I felt his spirit here with all of us!!!

    Mom and I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Danielle and I before the walk!

Me, Brandy and Chrissy hanging out!!!!

Crystelle and I!!!!

Katie and I (she is the amazing organizer of the event, as well as the blogger of Pretty In Pale!)

Danielle, Crystelle, and I! Crystelle did a beautiful job on the filtering!

My beautiful mom and I before the walk!!!

My speech at the walk today in honor of my father!

Thank you all for the support for the walk, your donations, and your words of encouragement! The last nine months have been hard but I know he's with us, in our hearts, and loving all of the good we are doing to help raise awareness for this disease! Let's keep fighting!!!!

Life is beautiful

I have so many wonderful blessings in my life right now! Tomorrow morning I start my brand new job (part-time until I am out of school!) with an amazing company that runs group homes for children and adults with developmental disabilities. I have worked in this environment before and it truly is where my passion is. On Monday I start my third and final term at school! I will have six weeks of classes (phlebotomy and learning how to do a few other things), and five weeks of clinicals where I will shadow around a clinic and learn the ropes.

My health is in a great place right now as well! I have good days and bad days, but recently the good have outweighed the bad. RJ is amazing as always, and I couldn't be happier.

I hope all of you are doing well! I know I suck at posting and keeping in contact but I just wanted to check in and let it be known that all is well, and I am enjoying my life and where its headed.

Post-op Update

So now that I'm a little less drugged here's what went down:
Basically everything went pretty well. Not a lot of new endometriosis growths (which means that the Lupron shots I was getting worked), but my right ovary was stuck to my small intestines from adhesions, so he got that fixed, removed more adhesions, and put some extra water around my uterus and ovaries to keep the adhesions away and to keep them from forming since I've been getting them so much lately. I'm EXTREMELY sore and swollen. they listened to me for once and used steri-strips instead of the dermabond (liquid stitches I am highly allergic to) so it's freaking me out lol. They look like they aren't going to hold things together very well but they are so far! They'll fall off on their own in a matter of a week or so. I only have two incisions (instead of my usual 3-4). One is in my bellybutton and the other is straight down below above my pubic bone, where my low-rise panties hit. But that's pretty much it! I'm very tired. I slept most of yesterday and missed a couple doses of pain meds so I am feeling pretty lousy just trying to catch up! I hope you all  are doing well!!!!!!

Not too much new, watching Lifetime Original Movies.

I've been doing homework and studying and watching Lifetime Original Movies for a few hours now! There isn't a lot to update on! I found out on Thursday that I have astigmatism and nearsightedness, so glasses for me! I picked out a cute pair (I have to wear all the time) and I should get them by Friday next week!

School is going well! It's been getting really hard but I'm pushing through. Pharmacology math is HARD and I hate math as it is so learning this stuff isn't really helping but we'll see.

There are some decisions I made about my health I am excited about! I have decided to cut out sugar completely as well as start taking a few new supplements my PCP recommended! I would never take anything my physician doesn't recommend but he swears by it and everything legitimate I have read online (psychology today, webmd, cnn, mayo clinic, etc) swears by it as well! I am excited!

I will update more in a day or two after my stupid pharmacology math tests and back office procedures lab tests. It's not easy but it's one step closer to my dream of being a CRNA!

Have a fantastic weekend! If anybody has any tips on surviving conversions (mg to mcg, mcg to g, kg to mg, etc etc) and algebra and fractions, please let me know in the comments. I need all the help I can get!!!

Oh man...

It has been so long since I've updated! I really have been super busy with school! My graduation date is July 3, 2013 and I'll be a Medical Assistant! I already got offered a job as a CMA (certified medical assistant) post-graduation working at an urgent care clinic in Salem! Emergency medicine sounds so awesome!

My ultimate career goal, though, is becoming a CRNA: Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist! It will take around 6-7 years to complete (pre-reqs, nursing, bachelor's degree, and lastly my Master's at OHSU's RNA program) and a lot of money and time, but I have the support of my family, friends, and RJ! He's my biggest fan and he encourages me daily to keep on moving forward. I'm doing so well in my classes and this is the toughest term! I'm almost done!!!

I can't say a lot is new really...health is the same and I'm still getting Remicade infusions! Like I said, I'm just busy studying and going to classes! I just turned 26 yesterday and it was weird without my dad, but I know he was with me in spirit! RJ and I went to the coast on Sunday for my birthday and our 2 1/2 year anniversary! It was wonderful and I am so blessed to be with him. He got me Train tickets!! The concert isn't until August but that's okay! I'll be working and the time will fly!

I hope everybody is doing well! Please comment and let me know! I read the blogs I follow daily and I feel bad for not having updated in so long, but I"m here!!!! It's easier to email me and text than to comment on here!!!!

Well I have to go study lmao, and I PROMISE to try and update at least once a week! That's my goal! Love you all! Talk to you soon :D

Love, Melissa

LOVE YOUR SKIN!

This is a Link Up to raise skin cancer awareness!
With Katie Wilkes from Pretty In Pale


1. What's your daily skincare routine?
Well I probably have a pretty basic routine compared to others! In the shower I use Mary Kay's Botanical Effects face wash for dry skin. It puts tons of moisture into my skin and it feels INCREDIBLE! Here is a link to check it out (for some reason my laptop is being annoying and not letting me upload a pic of it!) Mary Kay Botanical Effects

2. A skin product you could never live without?

This is a tough one because there are several I absolutely cannot live without! Definitely sunscreen is number 1 on the list, but I also LOVE moisturizer (MK Botanical Effects Hydrate Level 1) and makeup remover!

3. Have you ever used a tanning bed?

Yes! I tanned a bit a couple years ago and then stopped because I couldn't afford it anymore. Now that my dad has passed away from stage 4 melanoma I will NEVER set foot in a tanning bed ever again.

 

4. Thoughts on spray tanning?

I believe that pale is beautiful, but if you absolutely MUST have a tan I will recommend spray tanning over indoor tanning. 

5. Favorite brand of sunscreen?

I don't think I have a favorite brand...anything that is endorsed by The Skin Cancer Foundation and goes on without a gross, greasy feeling. And it has to be waterproof.

6. Biggest skincare splurge?

I probably splurge on makeup the most lol. 

7. Celebrity with the most perfect skin?

Oh man, Emma Stone and Dita Von Teese have GORGEOUS porcelain skin!

8. Feature you're most self-conscious about?

I am definitely the most self-conscious about my acne. The medications I'm on cause acne pretty bad and it's just sooooooooooo annoying.

9. What do you think about botox?

I think people should age naturally!

10. I feel most confident when...

I have a full face of makeup on, I'm wearing a nice outfit, and I'm smiling!

Sorry for the lack of updates recently!

I really haven't forgotten about my blog, things have just been a little crazy around here lately. Lots of stress and worrying. I have a lot of things I need to start writing about just to get off my chest and out of my mind, so fear not--lots of updates probably going to start happening today.

I hope all of you are doing well, feeling well, and having a wonderful Monday!

Help raise money to find a cure!

This is my personal fundraising page for those of you wish to donate directly to Aim at Melanoma through me :) Every donation regardless of how big or small it is matters and helps! Help be a part of finding a cure, funding research, and raising awareness!

Please forward this link to your own page and share with your friends and family who may want to donate! And if you’d like to join my team and walk with me you can do so through this site! Thank you so much and have a wonderful night! If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask!

This walk is being put on in honor of my father who passed away in July from complications of stage 4 melanoma. It is something I am extremely passionate about and I would LOVE to reach my goal of raising $1,000.00 to fund research and to help find a cure! I can’t do this without any of you!

http://www.aimatmelanoma.org/en/aim-for-action/1158/1159/portland-2013/6413.html

To Whom It May Concern at the CCFA

Dear CCFA,

Please don’t take this the wrong way but these ads are doing more harm than good in our fight to raise awareness. This disease has literally almost killed me. Not because I couldn’t stop using the restroom but because a med I was taking to control symptoms caused me to develop pancreatitis and my kidneys were beginning to shut down. I was in the hospital for three weeks and had to have a bowel resection due to a perforation. 

When people see this ad campaign it makes them believe that my disease consists of needing to use the toilet constantly and that has NOT been my experience. Please try an ad campaign that is less demeaning and that doesn’t make a mockery of my Crohn’s disease. I love the CCFA and I have been in the awareness walks and donated lots of money and time to you, but I refuse to support you if you keep running ads that devalue my experience. The loss of blood, nausea, lack of immune system, malnutrition, 3 yrs on 80mg of prednisone, the constant pain, pills, and infusions. Did you notice that my biggest issue with Crohn’s doesn’t involve being stuck on a toilet? Try making ads that are actually realistic and maybe then we as an IBD community can be taken seriously and stop being known as “the pooping disease”. 

If you can’t do that then you have just lost a huge CCFA supporter, fundraiser and all of my friends and family who once thought you all were on the patients’ side.

Sincerely,
Melissa Stewart

the time has come...

I am sending a prayer up right now before bed: Please, Lord, please let 2013 be a year that beats 2012 in every way possible. My family, friends, and I cannot handle anymore stress, ailments, loss, or sadness. I just want a year that will open my mind to everything the Universe has to give me. I want an open mind, and an open soul. I wish desperately that my dad could be ringing in the new year with us, but he will be in Heaven with his friends and partying it up like crazy. He deserves it. 

This year was so hard on me. I had a ridiculously hard surgery to overcome, my dad got sick and was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma and he died in July after being diagnosed for 5 months. He fought so hard and he kept a smile on his face the entire time. I wouldn't trade my last moments with him for the world. I just hope nobody else has to endure that ache and pain in their lives in the new year. Please send up a prayer of happiness for those who need it, health for those who need it, and love for those who need it. 2012 is so done. I am ready to say goodbye and shed the skin and bad energy off of me that the year has draped over me. It is done.

 I am surrounded by a white light of beauty and protection and love and I know my loved ones are as well. We deserve all the best in the world and it is coming for us. Stay open-minded and the universe will bring you what you want...even if it isn't something you necessarily need right now. Go with it. Accept it. Everything happens for a reason and if we don't understand what the lesson is that's being taught, keep asking questions and keep asking for help. You will find the answers in unexpected places. Just hang on to your beliefs and resolutions. Something good will come to everybody this new year. 

You all deserve it.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

This is in Corvallis where RJ and I spread some of my dad's ashes. It's not at the Wildlife Refuge which was my first choice, but due to the weather conditions we chose to go to Peavy Arboretum, which is another place my dad used to take my sister and I. It was raining but beautiful. We walked to the lake (which we have dubbed December Lake) and found this perfect spot. It was amazing. I cried, and prayed for him. I could feel him there with us. The mist coming down with the rain was ethereal. I love you dad. Rest in peace. You are my hero, my inspiration, and forever my dad. Happy birthday.

Update on health and my dad's birthday.

Well my IBD friends, I did indeed have a Remicade allergy. My poor mouth is chapped and split from the swelling, but it's getting better. I am doing 20mg of prednisone for 3 days to help the allergy reaction. My GI has finally agreed to do a colonoscopy (will be picking a date tomorrow) to see if I do in fact have active disease. I know in my soul that it is my Crohn's; he thinks it's IBS, which is bullshit because with IBS you don't fucking bleed when you use the bathroom unless it's from an external cause. 

I asked my PA what she thinks my next course of action is now that I have literally exhausted every option when it comes to Crohn's medications. She said if I do have active disease, the last medication I can try is Tysabri...which is scary and not available locally, so I'd have to drive every 4 weeks to the large hospital over an hour away. It's where my dad had his chemo infusions and where he died :(

Speaking of my dad, tomorrow is his birthday. He would have been 58. I haven't really processed these emotions yet and I am just so sad. After school RJ and I are going to  go to the wildlife refuge where my dad used to take Kim and I (my twin) on walks ALL the time. We called it Walking In The Woods. I will be spreading some of his ashes there. It will be very sad but I think he'd be happy with that choice. I will post pics tomorrow and write more later. 

Just please, everybody, be sun safe. Wear sunscreen or makeup/moisturizer/lotion with an SPF EVERY SINGLE DAY, EVEN IN WINTER. Melanoma (and skin cancer in general) can strike whether you tan once a year, or you have never a day in your life. Know your risks. Melanoma Research Foundation has amazing information that can literally save your life, as does AIM for a Cure, which is the organization that is hosting the Melanoma 5k in 2013 I will be helping with and participating in! Check them both out, read the stats and facts, learn your risk factor(s), and please-if you are able-donate to both. Any amount helps. Also check out these blogs that will not only give you inspiration, but it may change your life: Adventures With My Enemy Melanoma is written by my friend Chelsea who is a Melanoma survivor and has amazing insight and spirit. Pretty In Pale is a blog written by my friend Katie and she lives in Oregon and is the amazing Melanoma warrior hosting the Melanoma 5k I am participating in in Oregon! Happy reading, and have a wonderful night!

My heart is broken...

The holidays this year have been extremely hard and I am struggling a lot with the death of my father. I knew this time of year would be hard, but I didn't realize just how much it would hurt. I haven't heard much from my dad's side of the family (except for my cousin and one of my aunts, out of eight aunts and uncles) since he passed, and actually since even BEFORE he passed. I've sent emails, texts, and nada. Nobody will contact me or anything. On Thanksgiving I sent a lovely email and text to the entire family and only two people bothered to write back. Two out of eight. Since Thanksgiving, not a damn word. So I sent the following verbose email to my family last night at 11pm in hopes of getting answers, expressing my feelings, and letting them know that I am not happy with the way I have been treated during all of this. Here is the email, in its entirety.

"Hello there!

This email has been sitting in the back of my mind for quite some time now. I have not wanted to send it, but since it hasn't changed I have decided to go ahead and do so.

I sent all of you emails and texts out at Thanksgiving that were genuine, from the bottom of my heart, and real. Out of all  those who the emails/texts went to do you know how many of you have replied? Two. Just two of you. Since my dad's East Coast service you had for him, I haven't heard basically a word from anybody. There are a couple of people who do keep in routine contact with me, and for that I am so so happy and grateful for, but I haven't heard from anybody else. Why? What I have done that is so wrong that NONE of you will acknowledge my existence, or even say 'Happy Thanksgiving' in return? Am I not a Stewart anymore? 

Every single night I cry myself to sleep-and I am being 100% literal here-because I feel like none of you want anything to do with Kim and I anymore. I am going through scenarios in my brain where we could have done something so heinous as to warrant this behavior but we haven't done anything. We lost our dad-we didn't lose his family, and yet it feels like you all died with him. Do you know how much this breaks my heart? Some of you I haven't heard from AT ALL since well before he passed away. 

My heart aches right now because I feel like every day I am losing him a little bit more...the sound of his voice, his laugh, his mannerisms, and it would be so wonderful to have family to talk to, to encourage me, and to keep me going during my struggle with grief. And yet most of you have yet to even bother to reach out at random and ask if I am okay, or if Kim is okay, or even my mom or Teena. We all love him and miss him and cry for him daily. Thanksgiving was beyond hard to get through without him and not any one of you bothered to call or text or email me back (with the exception of TWO PEOPLE). Do you realize how much that hurts? My heart is completely broken right now and I don't understand what I did to make you guys hate me to the point where you won't even acknowledge my existence anymore.

I am not angry, and I apologize if this email makes me sound so, but I am just extremely hurt and sad. I NEVER expected this from anybody in the Stewart family, and I know for a fact that my dad would NOT want you guys acting this way. I understand that it is hard to write emails, or calls due to the emotions involved, but it hurts worse to be completely forgotten about and ignored. 

His birthday is on the 11th and I was going to send an email out to see how you all were holding up, if you were planning on doing anything special in his honor, or if you were just going to think of him and that's all. Then I decided not to even bother because my last few attempts at communication have been pointless. I miss you all with every fiber of my being. My heart aches for my father and I know all of yours do as well. So why the silent treatment? I need you all more than ever and yet I feel 100% abandoned by everyone. That's not fair and I know my dad wouldn't be happy. He would want us sharing memories, sending updates about our lives, sharing stories, emailing and calling and texting just to keep in contact. We are BLOOD relatives. His blood runs through all of us. It's not fair to shun the ones who live the furthest away. I Just don't get it.

Again, I am not angry. My feelings are extremely hurt right now. I am grieving and the holidays this year have so far been the hardest to get through. I can't do this alone. Kim can't do this alone. We need our family, and that means all of you, not just a couple of you. ALL OF YOU. I Just want to know why. Why am I crying myself to sleep every single night? That shouldn't be happening. I thought the Stewart's were tight-knit through thick and thin. That's how it should be and that's how I would like to see it start to be. I don't want to lose you along with my dad. Please, don't get upset or mad at this email. That's not the reason I am sending it. I jsut want to know why we have been ignored and forgotten about. I love you all and I miss you all terribly. I don't want to lose all of you. That would break my heart even more than it is right now.

Love Always,

Missy"

Now how many replies do you think that email has given me, since 11p last night (and mind you, they are three hours ahead of me)....NONE. Not a single person has replied. I am so beyond heartbroken right now. Family is supposed to stick together. Family is forever. This is NOT how family treats each other and I am just heartbroken. My dad's birthday is coming up on the 11th and I won't bother emailing any of them to make sure they are okay. If they can't extend that courtesy to me or my sisters, then why should I extend it to them? I love them and I miss them dearly, but I deserve to be treated better than that. 

In my opinion, Melanoma didn't just kill my amazing dad, it killed my family ties as well. I hate that disease. I hate that my dad is dead. I hate that my own flesh and blood won't communicate with me, and I hate that I feel these ways. I shouldn't have to. Nobody should. I just needed to vent tonight, guys. I'm sorry. 

Forever Thankful

So many of my friends and family have been sharing what they are thankful for everyday of the month and it is very inspiring, touching, hilarious, and spot-on. I am not going to list 21 (or 22 depending on your time zone) things I am thankful for, just the big ones. I am SO thankful for the love, support, and inspiration my family and friends have shown me not only during this year, but since I can remember. I am so thankful for RJ and his never-ending love and support for me. I am thankful for the opportunity to go to school, have a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes to wear. 

I am SO thankful that although I may have my health problems, I know they could ALWAYS be worse. I am thankful for caffeine, junk food, organic food, clean water, my tea kettle (thanks, dad!), my Cricut Cake (thanks, RJ!), and the knowledge to cook and bake my own meals (thanks mom, dad, RJ, and various friends!). I am also thankful that tomorrow I get to spend the day with RJ and his family, and Saturday with my family!! 

Most of all I am thankful for being a Stewart. For having an amazing father who showed my sisters and I never ending love and support. His intelligence, love, compassion, humor and kindness will forever be remembered in not only my heart but in every heart he touched. I truly had the world's best dad. 

Whatever you all end up doing tomorrow (or not doing!) I hope it's a fantastic day spent laughing, drinking, eating, reminiscing and lounging.

The first of many...

This Thanksgiving is going to mark the first holiday without my dad. There are no words to accurately describe the feelings I am having right now. I am so sad, depressed, angry, upset, and just hurt. He should be here. It’s just not fair. His birthday is December 11…that’s going to be so much harder. I just don’t know how I am going to get through all of this. I love you dad. Rest In Peace.

A Melanoma Warrior's Blog Post You Must Read!

I just read this and it is just so inspiring and incredible. Her name is Chelsea Price and she is fighting Melanoma (and kicking its ass!) and raising awareness while doing so. Here is a post she put up tonight and I Just wanted to share it with you all. Enjoy!

Adventures With My Enemy Melanoma

Sorry for the lack of updates!

Hey, everybody! I am so sorry it has been so long since I've posed a decent update. I've been very busy with school and homework and trying to maintain my sanity. The good news is that I am doing great, having fun, and enjoying life! I spent the weekend at the coast with RJ and my family and we had such an amazing time. We (RJ and I) drove to The Devil's Punchbowl yesterday which is where my dad used to take my sister and I all the time for picnics. It was beautiful and made me miss him, but I felt him there. Here are a couple pics from the trip!  The first pic is of RJ at the brewery where we ate lunch--he even colored that picture hahaha.

This is RJ and I at the brewery

This is me at The Devil's Punchbowl

This is The Devil's Punchbowl at lowtide! 

We had a phenomenal weekend and I am so blessed. I will be posting a better update later tonight about my life and how everything has been going. Thanks for checking in. Love you all!!!!

Saying Goodbye

I lost a friend the evening of October 24th from Cystic Fibrosis. She was only 28 years old. Her life was amazing, and she was a true angel here on earth. I met her through my boyfriend; she was the lead singer of his band, Staller. She had an amazing voice to go with her amazing soul. She was love and light wrapped up in happiness. Like friends, she and I had our ups and downs, but at the end we had some very in-depth, spiritual discussions and she forgave me for things I did and I forgave her. She died 2 days after that spiritual discussion. Because nobody was present to that conversation, and because he didn't wish to hear my side of things, her husband essentially "banned" me from attending her funeral this afternoon. I cried for hours last night when my boyfriend informed me of that. I wanted nothing more than to pay my respects to a woman who has not only helped me during times of strife and hardships, but she helped my dad as well until he died. I had no intention of starting drama (which is what was assumed would happen if I went), I Just wanted to hold my boyfriend's hand, console him, and say goodbye to my friend, Crystal. I was not allowed this.

I wanted to say goodbye. I wanted to see her placed and laid to rest at the cemetery. That's not asking for much. I don't understand how people can be so cruel and thoughtless and careless. Can't people set aside their problems for an hour to let others grieve and say goodbye? It's not about him-it's about HER. Saying goodbye to Crystal. One of the greatest women I've ever known.

My soul is crushed by not being able to have seen her off, but I know she is around in spirit and I can always talk to her spiritually. She and I know that I did nothing wrong. I just wish other people would have been told the truth long before she had passed, and maybe I would have had an opportunity to say goodbye to my beautiful friend.

RIP Crystal. You are going to be truly, truly missed.

BIG NEWS!

I am SO excited to announce that as of today I am officially enrolled in school! I start my Medical Assistant classes on Monday! It's a 9 month course and my graduation date is July 3, 2013! I will be training to for a Certified Medical Assistant career, which means I will take vital signs, do charting, medical receptioning, handling insurance claims, giving shots, assisting with procedures, drawing blood, and lots more! I have been a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) for 4 years now and Medical Assisting pays more, and is a bit more relaxed and less physically demanding on my body than CNA work, so I know I will be able to do this job. It's a great career and if I decide to further my health care education and do nursing, it's an excellent stepping stone!
With this job I can work in medical weight loss centers, medical spas, doctor's offices, clinics, hospitals, Planned Parenthood, birthing centers, dentist offices, surgery centers, and so much more! I will be taking the Oregon licensing exam and then I will be taking the national licensing exam as well, so I can work as a CMA anywhere!
This is a HUGE step for me and I know my dad would be proud :) I can't believe I start school on Monday!! The Medical Assisting program has the best schedule, too! It's Monday-Thursday, 7:30a-1:30p! We have 3 day weekends and 6 hour days, including a lunch break. My tuition also includes a stethoscope and blood pressure cuff and lab jacket, including textbooks, that I get to keep!
Obviously I am excited. I can't wait to start and tell you all more about it!